Friday, January 14, 2005

How to build an asylum: Douglas Adams

How To Build Your Own Asylum (Tm)
  1. Find or build a house on the beach (a modest single level one will do)
  2. Remove the wall facing the sea
  3. Remove the roof
  4. Put a new 'roof' on which, instead of covering the house, it slants outward (i.e. it's like a funnel of square three sided sorts)
  5. Now strip down the walls to their bare drywall or wood or etc
  6. Put some nice siding on the inside walls (a pale slate grey will do nicely) p.s. I wouldn't suggest brick, it's hard to keep clean
  7. Put up some tacky wallpaper (say yellow and orange flowers with diagonal red stripes) on the outside of the walls
  8. Maybe put up some nice soothing pictures on the outside of the walls ( just to keep the inmates calm and happy)
  9. Rip the carpeting off the floor boards (you won't be needing it anymore) in fact, get rid of the floor boards altogether so you are now standing on the sand between three nicely sided walls and the sea
  10. Grow some nice green grass where the floor used to be (you may need topsoil or maybe just sod it)
  11. Put up a few square metres of decking (optional)
  12. Get a nice lawn/deck chair and sit in it on your lawn/deck facing the sea
  13. Get up and shut the door if you haven't already done so (you don't want any of the inmates getting out)
You should now be sitting facing the sea between three nicely sided walls while all the inmates are shut inside the asylum content to use their packets of toothpicks or look at the soothing pictures you put up on the wall for them. You are now outside the asylum

p.s. Do not lock the door, as you will need one of the inmates to bring you food once in a while.-hope this helped.

Douglas Adams - A Hero

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